The key to running a successful business is being able to plan for the future. With this in mind, I have been formulating a series of complex algorithms and inputted every variable imaginable in order to be able to plot out exactly what the future holds for us at Wood Key Brewing, and was able to put together a 3D rendering of what it will look like. Any resemblance to EA’s game “The Sims 4” is purely coincidental. This was a purely scientific endeavour and not the result of me being bored and trying to find new ways to faff about.
So with that in mind, I give you the future of Wood Key Brewing:
As you can see, this is from approximately 10 years in the future. Simon has moved into formal shorts, Andrew is bringing back the 80’s, Brian has finished a successful stint on Doctor Who as some sort of emo doctor and, as expected, I’m the only normal one in the group.
Many things are still the same. For example:
We still take awkward group photos. Simon still likes to dance:
And I like to dance:
And Andrew likes to dance:
Brian does not like to dance, but likes to creepily stand behind, watching…
We’re still the life of the party.
Except for Brian who apparently likes to stare wistfully into the middle distance.
It’s good to see that we all still get along, living together in our modestly furnished home. We’re not exactly rich, and don’t have a whole lot of room. But we’ve got each other. And that’s all that counts when you can’t do better.
Andrew and I happily share a room (and apparently a bed. But I’m sure it’s completely platonic).
Brian has his own room that he spends most of his time sleeping in, when not gazing wistfully.
And Simon dances as if his life depended on it. I actually haven’t seen him sleep yet. It’s really quite creepy.
But all in all, we’re just your normal bunch of friends that…
We still like to hang out together down the local.
And while Simon does crunches in the middle of the bar to impress the locals…
I can always be relied upon to…
Oh, come on!
After being thrown out, I happen to run into a group of women in swim wear and someone who I can only assume is going to a fancy dress party as one of the stuck up rich kids from every 80’s American teen movie. They’re clearly a step up from the people I normally hang out with, so maybe now is the chance to move up in the world?
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I could fit in. All I have to do is act cool and not draw attention to myself…
Well, as long as I don’t freak anyone out…
Probably best just to hang around the coffee machine, ignoring their bemused looks, while waiting for pity to take it’s course.
And it’s worked!!! Feeling sorry for me, my peers have invited me to an exclusive party. There, I’ll be able to schmooze with some well to do people and move up in the world. But I can’t do it alone. I’ll need a wingman, so I call up Andrew and tell him to meet me there.
DAMN! We look good! First order of business, grab people’s attention. And there’s only one way we know how to do that…
They don’t stand a chance.
Step two: move to the bar. Everyone has to go there at some point, and that’s when we strike.
Everything’s going like clockwork. As long as we don’t get too drunk we should be…
Ah for feck’s sake.
Well this clearly isn’t turning out how I expected it to. I can only hope the others are having a better time of it.
Maybe my calculations need a little more work.